Dudes! If there is anything that irks my nerves more it is guys who literally traipse about the beaches in trunks that resemble flood pants more than anything else. “But Brian!” you may say, “Those are called ‘board shorts’, my friend.” Yes, sir I am well aware if this, but just because you own a 5’8″ short board and rock the latest Von Zipper shades does not make you the next Kelly Slater.
Thus, this automatically strips you the right to wear said ‘shorts’ any time you feel like. Fear not, there are alternatives to this beachside ‘standard’ that are sure to help you stand out from the crowd-in a good way, might I add:
1. Supplex Sport Shorts, $19.50, LLbean.com
These shorts are considered ‘multi-purpose’, which is ideal for the more rugged among us. You can practically go from the lake to the trails to the mountains without having to change. This coupled with the elastic waistband-which is how swimsuits should be worn-result in a very slim-looking waistline that does a favor for both you and the opposite sex.
2. Sundek Classic Swimsuit, $120, sundeksurfclassic.com
These shorts are the best way to pull off looking like you at least know someone who surfs. Originally started in 1972 out of southern California, Sundek was taken over by an Italian beachwear company. Fortunately, they kept the trademark rainbow stripe intact and allowed for an iconic brand to remain a true original.
3. The Parke & Ronen Swimsuit, $49, parkeandronen.com
One of the more narrow brands out there, the Parke & Ronen swimsuit is perfect for those who have spent their fair share of time in the gym during those long, winter months. It sits squarely on the hips instantly giving the wearer a heightened sense of confidence. These are definitely my favorite of the season.
4. The Bars and Bars Trunk, $20, originalpenguin.com
Made by the company that is known for its contemporary, ‘skinny-guy’ clothing, Penguin has always been at the forefront of modern, slimmer-fit apparel. These shorts are more or less reserved for those who plan on visiting any European beachfronts this summer. Unfortunately, American men have a real problem getting over the whole wearing-pants-to-the-beach thing.
5. The Thomas Maier Swimsuit, $240, tomasmaier.com
A product from the creative director of the luxury Italian brand, Bottega Veneta, this suit is both a work of art and well worth the price tag. All hand-crafted and constructed, the Thomas Maier suit has all the makings of becoming a piece with a very long closet life.